All at sea | lukemitchwest's Blog

I've been learning a lot this week about being a man and being alive.
Something is lifting from me, and as it lifts I'm starting to realise I've been in a really bad place for a very long time. unspeakably bad. I can't really describe what I feel like.
In work on saturday I proposed to some friends that we go out for pints on sunday. What a manly thing! So me and 3 other guys went to some bar and played snooker, and I started thinking some things. I mean I don't really have that many male friends, and when I did it wasn't like this. When I had male friends we were all just after the female friends in our group of friends. There were never manly pursuits like this. I've never known how to play pool. Other things that came up include: Never having been on a "lads" holiday or whatever. The only male role model I've had is my dad, and I think he totally had a much manlier life than mine. Maybe this is the way to go. We went to some bar afterwards in pursuit of women and all enjoyed only mild success, but still. I think this was the start of things lifting. I started realising that I'd barely been out in the last few months and when I was I had not fully given myself to the night. Like when I went out with my mate rory and his mates I didn't get proper drunk, I just got all anxious the moment I entered the club and ended up not enjoying myself. That's one of the things thats lifting. I drank a lot last night. I had a good time. Things are starting to make sense.