morning comes in light | lukemitchwest's Blog
I've been doing a lot of meditating this week and have come to an interesting conclusion about my life.
Things have been quiet recently. I've been a little afraid about money so I've been staying in. As normal when I stay in I start to fear about wasted youth. Life running past me at a high pace while I sit in watching 30 Rock and then suddenly I'll be old and the only interesting stories I'll have to tell will be about things that happened around me while I sat in watching sitcoms. And I thought "opposed to what?" and see that's interesting because the alternative is going out and getting blocked or whatever, and how is that using my youth? There's a higher chance of something interesting happening I guess, but just like the sitcoms, anyone can do that. What would not be a waste of my youthful energy? Travelling? I'm sort of doing that, I guess. Learning things? I've got textbooks and textbooks of martial arts stuff and psychology books and every day I know more than the last. I just needed to "find my own fun" I guess, because the pressure I feel to go out isn't a natural thing, it's what society expects me to do with my youth, and I am not necessarily fulfilled or made happy by it. See? All this naval-gazing accomplished something.
Today was Georgie's grandad's funeral, so I didn't think I was going to see her, but during tech tonight she texted me asking if I wanted to visit. I couldn't see it ending well, being on the day of the funeral and me dressed in my tech clothes [which are most definitely comfort-ba
"I am fearless."
I've done it now. I've set myself on this collision course and I can no longer steer myself away. I steel myself up on the drive down, shouting to myself "FEARLESS LUKE MCGIBBON!" All along the motorway. I've never been good with the family of any of my exes. Conversation is stilted and I am scared, so the politeness filter goes into overtime and I suck at talking. I'm the same with managers in work- I just suck at chatting to them because I know they can fire me. In a way meeting them so early is good, see, because its only been 2 dates [though we know there's something more here] it means there's less to lose. I consider approaching this not as a man dating their relative [because it isn't just parents here, it's her entire extended family], but as a stand-up going towards an audience he is apprehensive towards. Turns out this approach works.
I am in a room full of her relatives, politely and jokingly enquiring about the sort of person I am, and keeping it lighthearted allows me to slowly and humbly bring out the things that make me seem like a catch [comedian, volunteer work, career plan as counsellor, used to have 2 jobs, etc] and get along well with them. I really enjoyed it. They kept saying they were really impressed. I'm a bit impressed myself. They're all lovely and give me lots of food on the way out, despite my protests. And Georgie looked ridiculously hot in her black dress. I saved that bit for last because mourning isn't meant to be sexy. She was though.
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Previous Posts..it's dancing, posted September 25th, 2013
It's you, it's me, posted September 15th, 2013
9joion, posted July 26th, 2013
For your delight, oh my., posted July 14th, 2013
Chef prepares a special menu, posted July 14th, 2013
We're graced in these matters, posted June 5th, 2013
plotz, posted May 21st, 2013
Cut, part 2, posted May 18th, 2013
cut, posted May 16th, 2013
as a child I was born in a lions mouth, posted May 3rd, 2013
Life is a game which we all play, posted April 30th, 2013
Hits me like a rock, posted March 24th, 2013
I could go to London, maybe that's where you are, posted March 9th, 2013
You don't slow me down, posted March 6th, 2013
its late again, posted February 19th, 2013
It's late, posted February 18th, 2013
Don't be alarmed, no one gets harmed, posted February 14th, 2013
morning comes in light, posted February 6th, 2013
Onstage psychodynamics, posted February 4th, 2013
Words of glass will only cut my skin, posted February 3rd, 2013
The rest of my last week on Earth, posted January 27th, 2013
First night out on my last week alive, posted January 22nd, 2013
Last stop, this town, posted January 21st, 2013
1000 words, posted January 19th, 2013
Do you feel like a chain store, posted January 16th, 2013
All at sea, posted January 9th, 2013
Hey man, now you're really livin'., posted January 3rd, 2013
O you, posted January 1st, 2013
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to, posted December 27th, 2012
zsu zsus petals, posted December 25th, 2012
pea green boat, posted December 18th, 2012
we took your daddy's car, posted December 1st, 2012
Home is wherever I'm with you, posted November 16th, 2012
please don't be a stranger in my place, posted November 15th, 2012
Love the kisses that I'll be sending you, posted November 8th, 2012
Why yes sir, I can boogie, posted October 22nd, 2012
Just because you're moving forward doesn't mean I'm moving backward, posted October 19th, 2012
If you are poorly, I will send poetry, posted October 16th, 2012
Cheering me up and I'm thanking you, posted October 12th, 2012
Hard to see patterns with your nose to the page, posted October 9th, 2012
There are wolves in my mind, posted October 8th, 2012
pancakes, posted October 4th, 2012
Livid, posted September 25th, 2012
Cleaning, posted September 20th, 2012
I don't know, posted September 10th, 2012
So my Girlfriend may have stolen my job, posted August 6th, 2009
Life's good, posted August 6th, 2009
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