It's late | lukemitchwest's Blog
I had a whole bunch of thoughts keeping me awake and they were pretty much perfect for a wee journal but they're gone now, I've lost 'em. I'm sick and I've had a lot of good ideas the last few days.
I'm not so sure about this whole Georgie thing sometimes. She doesn't seem to have a thirst for life and exploration like I do. That's a big no-no. I'm not saying "be passionate and excited all the time" but, y'know, be passionate about SOMETHING.
I like her though. I have fun with her and being around her makes me happy. I'm going to stick around for now and see what comes from this. I'm nitpicking, really.
I saw an old friend for coffee earlier in the week and I saw peter a few days ago and both these chats have made me feel very calm about the things that have wound me up some for the last six months.
God, mind, is that all you got? When the lights were off you had so much to say. Hang on, I'm going to do my meditation and come back.
Done. I give up. I got nothin'. my thoughts kept moving to Ballyclare and Georgie. Good thoughts, I must stress.
I just had a look at my calendar from this time last year. If I ever miss becx this is the antidote. Back then she had the password to my calendar [because she cried when she found that I had a place where I kept personal thoughts secret- I wish any part of that sentence was an exaggeration or lie] and she has added in so much stuff. And so much of it is "LOVE ME plEASE LOVE ME" [actual quote] "I NEED LOVE" "please show becx you love her today" "CALLLLLLLLL MEEEEEE"- and It's amazing how blind to it I must have been not to see how immensely taxing it was. Even just reading it now I feel frustrated, because I think of the times I brought my problems to her and she was ridiculously callous or dismissive about them or made them about her or if she was actually helpful it was only so she could use how helpful she had been as ammunition. Ridiculous.
But these aren't the thoughts that keep me up, internet! These are just little nuisance thoughts at best! Aagh.
edit: I am back. I have some more nuisance thoughts; not the ones that kept me up, but best to get as much out as possible. My first homeless befriender shift happened the other day and it was pretty simple. We were just doing inventory of all the rooms for insurance purposes of some sort. To be honest most of them have more spacious rooms and better possessions than I do. stereo systems, flat screen tvs, fancy computer rigs.. I don't know how they afford it. And they're all blasting out proper rave music at like 11am and shit. shit is crazy. I recognised a guy, too. Not too close, but a friend of a friend, enough that we knew each other by name. I felt a bit of a dick, being in his room- I'd have been a bit self-conscious, not mad keen on people knowing I was in a hostel, but he seemed comfortable enough, which is a good attitude to have.
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Previous PostsIt's you, it's me, posted September 15th, 2013
9joion, posted July 26th, 2013
For your delight, oh my., posted July 14th, 2013
Chef prepares a special menu, posted July 14th, 2013
We're graced in these matters, posted June 5th, 2013
plotz, posted May 21st, 2013
Cut, part 2, posted May 18th, 2013
cut, posted May 16th, 2013
as a child I was born in a lions mouth, posted May 3rd, 2013
Life is a game which we all play, posted April 30th, 2013
Hits me like a rock, posted March 24th, 2013
I could go to London, maybe that's where you are, posted March 9th, 2013
You don't slow me down, posted March 6th, 2013
its late again, posted February 19th, 2013
It's late, posted February 18th, 2013
Don't be alarmed, no one gets harmed, posted February 14th, 2013
morning comes in light, posted February 6th, 2013
Onstage psychodynamics, posted February 4th, 2013
Words of glass will only cut my skin, posted February 3rd, 2013
The rest of my last week on Earth, posted January 27th, 2013
First night out on my last week alive, posted January 22nd, 2013
Last stop, this town, posted January 21st, 2013
1000 words, posted January 19th, 2013
Do you feel like a chain store, posted January 16th, 2013
All at sea, posted January 9th, 2013
Hey man, now you're really livin'., posted January 3rd, 2013
O you, posted January 1st, 2013
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to, posted December 27th, 2012
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Home is wherever I'm with you, posted November 16th, 2012
please don't be a stranger in my place, posted November 15th, 2012
Love the kisses that I'll be sending you, posted November 8th, 2012
Why yes sir, I can boogie, posted October 22nd, 2012
Just because you're moving forward doesn't mean I'm moving backward, posted October 19th, 2012
If you are poorly, I will send poetry, posted October 16th, 2012
Cheering me up and I'm thanking you, posted October 12th, 2012
Hard to see patterns with your nose to the page, posted October 9th, 2012
There are wolves in my mind, posted October 8th, 2012
pancakes, posted October 4th, 2012
Livid, posted September 25th, 2012
Cleaning, posted September 20th, 2012
I don't know, posted September 10th, 2012
So my Girlfriend may have stolen my job, posted August 6th, 2009
Life's good, posted August 6th, 2009
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